people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
