There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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