Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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