How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
