'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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