summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
