$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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