You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
