When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You can't just leave with hair like that
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
