I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He shit in the fireplace
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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