3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
