how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
