3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
