On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
