fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
