YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
