we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Someone signed my nipple.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
