My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
