i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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