Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
