Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
