I accidentally burped into my bong.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They took my balls.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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