we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
