Ambien. No doubt about it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
