I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
