I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
