I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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