Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
where does the pee come out of this thing
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
