I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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