I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
