Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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