I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So much rum. So many feels.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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