Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
