So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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