i think i have two assholes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
