3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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