ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
