I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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