i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
