I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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