i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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