He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
