i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
