I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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