Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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