I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
