He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
