jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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