After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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