I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
