right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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