I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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