I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
